Hermaphrodytes

My Tivo decided I would be interested in a show on the Discover channel about hermaphrodytes called "Is it a Boy or a Girl?". Tivo was right. It was fascinating. And last night, I had a dream in which I unexplainably grew a beard and alienated my family.

This spring was a bit genderly challenging as I played a man in the musical "Kiss Me Kate." Besides the opportunity to sing "Too Darn Hot," I was able to explore feelings about being a woman, something I often socially resented, and pretending to be a man, something I really didn't feel comfortable doing. Not only did I not get to have all the fun hairstyles the other females had in this 40's - 50's era, but I was kind of an alien: the men didn't really accept me and I wasn't one of the girls, either.

Through this experience, I realized that I rather liked being female, but without all the social trappings and expectations. For example, I opted to not have children. I'm not really even comfortable being married and usually chafe against any sort of binding coupledom. I love being in love, as long as I'm free. But I like my woman's body and my woman's mind and my woman's point of view on the world.

Interestingly, "Kiss Me Kate" is a sort of anti-feminist plot involving corporal punishment and the breaking of one's spirit to conform to social norms. Many of the women in the cast were quite upset with some of the lines and outcomes of the plot. Although a feminist, I wasn't really bothered -- too much -- by it all. But I did have to act on stage like I was one of the boys, agreeing with Kate when she lamented that "women are so simple." Now, that was acting.

Being born a woman in the 50's, coming of age in the 70's, it was confusing enough to try to define what it means to be a woman. I can't imagine not at least having a clear message from my body that I am one. If you get a chance to see the show on Discover, don't miss it.

Ray Charles "Genius Loves Company"

Just downloaded the last release by Ray before he died in June entitled "Genius Loves Company" containing duets with, in his own words, "friends that I love and artists that I admire" (see review here). One of the drawbacks of listening via Napster rather than buying the album is the lack of credits. I'd love to know who did the over the top arrangements on this album. It's an amazing compilation and really shows how Ray makes a song his own. Here's my assessment of the cuts that make it and those that fail upon first hearing (it is growing on me).

1. "Here We Go Again" with Nora Jones. Well, Nora holds her own here. Ray has released slightly C&W songs in the past and the two of them mesh well. I like the choice of material. I wish I could see the credits to see who is playing what. I assume Ray is on piano. Organist Billy Preston absolutely steals the show, both in his tasteful accompanying and with his fabulous solo on the Hammond B3 .
2. "Sweet Potato Pie" with James Taylor. Although Ray appears to be having fun, Taylor doesn't waver from his sustained style. It just doesn't mesh with Ray's stacato soul delivery. The song is a little hokey for me. Nice horn arrangement and whomever is playing guitar is wonderful.
3. "You Don't Know Me" with Diana Krall. I am a huge Diana Krall fan, as I'm sure Ray was, but unless she is playing for herself with her own arrangements, you can tell she is just plain uncomfortable. I didn't even recognize her voice upon listening and wondered who this lousy singer was. It reminded me of Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys. In addition, the song is pitched in too low a key for Diana. This has always been one of my favorite Ray Charles songs so I was more than usually disappointed with the performance.
4. "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" with Elton John. Great song, but Elton is singing too hard and is trying to match Ray and it just doesn't work for him. This is an impression that I had on a lot of the cuts - the visitor is trying too hard while Ray just lays back and is Ray.
5. "Fever" with Natalie Cole. Fabulous. This girl knows how to sing jazz, the arrangement is fun and upbeat and they are obviously both enjoying themselves.
6. "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" with Bonnie Raitt. Bonnie is the only non-black performer who meshes with Ray. She knows how to play the blues and her slide guitar is a real addition to the track. Love Bonnie!
7. "It Was a Very Good Year" with Willie Nelson. Other than the obvious pangs of hearing Ray sing "And now the days grow short, I'm in the autumn of my years," it is the worst of this collecton. You can almost hear the orchestrator bragging about how wonderful his way over the top arrangement is. It might work for a movie, but it certainly doesn't go with Ray's and Willie's sparse, soulful deliveries. Yuck factor = 10. Somehow I never noticed the chauvinist factor in this song when Frank Sinatra sang it. Maybe I can't get Willie Nelson's "All the Girls I've Loved Before" off my mind....
8. "Hey, Girl" with Michael McDonald. Pretty fun. OK, I take it back, Michael McDonald has enough soul factor and is the only other white guy on the album to mesh with Ray. He doesn't waver from his own style and even brings Ray up to his vocal level. I could do without the little flute phrases in the arrangement. Wow, I don't like this arranger. I sure would like to know who it is. Anyone???
9. "Sinner's Prayer" with B. B. King. Wow. These two are obviously friends and musical cohorts. What fun to listen to this wonderful collaboration with Ray showing off his fabulous piano playing against BB's blues guitar. Again, Billy Preson shines on the Hammond organ. The cuts with a real band rather than that lush mush of an orchestra shine! Shame on producer John Burk.
10. "Heaven Help Us All" with Gladys Knight . Gladys is fab. Good arrangement.
11. "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" with Johnny Mathis. String-fest.
12. "Crazy Love" with Van Morrison. Besides being one of my all-time favorite songs, these two rock the house with this one. It is a live performance, which adds to it, and nothing like the Rayettes to do those wonderful backup parts. Van's style matches Ray to a tee. GREAT!

I'm inspired

After reading Joe Boyd's blog entries, I'm inspired to start trying to get honest with myself. Perhaps this public diary is a way to do that. Not that I think my entries will be half as interesting and witty as Joe's, lest I should boast.

The most interesting addition to my life recently is attending Al-Anon meetings. I don't really give a rat's ass about being anonymous, so I don't mind saying that. I wish I had done it years ago. But I guess life brings you the tools in the order in which they are needed. I certainly couldn't have coped with an alcoholic years ago, not that I did very well this time. But I entered Al-Anon with a pretty good foundation of work that makes applying the program a little easier.

Frank Alper, a spiritual teacher of mine, used to say that the Universe will create situations to magnify the lessons you need to learn at the moment. The issues that arose in my relationship with the Rum Guy were always present in a more subtle way in my earlier relationships, but became so large I couldn't avoid them this time. (Probably if you mentioned that part about it being subtle to my earlier relationships, they'd laugh pretty heartily.)

For those of you not familiar with Al-Anon, it's not about how to get an alcoholic to stop drinking. It's about how to STOP trying to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. The opposite behavior to the addict is the perfectionist, the one who's always right and wants to be in control, who drives everyone else around him/her to drink. I guess I'm probably a combination of both the perfectionist and the addict, being a good Gemini.

The results I'm getting from Al-Anon? Well, I do feel happier. I still have emotional reactions but they don't last as long. My self-editor is working a little better. I'm back in touch with Rum Guy after a month and I'm not suffering. It doesn't matter what he does. I'm not giving him advice and I'm not trying to help him. Although the "helpful" ideas still emerge, I don't pass them along. I don't criticize and I don't share my feelings about his behavior. And it's not just with him. I'm trying to stay out of everyone's business and get more into my own.

So, there's my first post and it wasn't so painful. As I get bolder, I'll invite people to actually read what I write :)