I'm inspired

After reading Joe Boyd's blog entries, I'm inspired to start trying to get honest with myself. Perhaps this public diary is a way to do that. Not that I think my entries will be half as interesting and witty as Joe's, lest I should boast.

The most interesting addition to my life recently is attending Al-Anon meetings. I don't really give a rat's ass about being anonymous, so I don't mind saying that. I wish I had done it years ago. But I guess life brings you the tools in the order in which they are needed. I certainly couldn't have coped with an alcoholic years ago, not that I did very well this time. But I entered Al-Anon with a pretty good foundation of work that makes applying the program a little easier.

Frank Alper, a spiritual teacher of mine, used to say that the Universe will create situations to magnify the lessons you need to learn at the moment. The issues that arose in my relationship with the Rum Guy were always present in a more subtle way in my earlier relationships, but became so large I couldn't avoid them this time. (Probably if you mentioned that part about it being subtle to my earlier relationships, they'd laugh pretty heartily.)

For those of you not familiar with Al-Anon, it's not about how to get an alcoholic to stop drinking. It's about how to STOP trying to get the alcoholic to stop drinking. The opposite behavior to the addict is the perfectionist, the one who's always right and wants to be in control, who drives everyone else around him/her to drink. I guess I'm probably a combination of both the perfectionist and the addict, being a good Gemini.

The results I'm getting from Al-Anon? Well, I do feel happier. I still have emotional reactions but they don't last as long. My self-editor is working a little better. I'm back in touch with Rum Guy after a month and I'm not suffering. It doesn't matter what he does. I'm not giving him advice and I'm not trying to help him. Although the "helpful" ideas still emerge, I don't pass them along. I don't criticize and I don't share my feelings about his behavior. And it's not just with him. I'm trying to stay out of everyone's business and get more into my own.

So, there's my first post and it wasn't so painful. As I get bolder, I'll invite people to actually read what I write :)